


the most important thing

by withoutwords



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Disability, Fluff and Angst, Hard of Hearing, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Partial Deafness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 04:28:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29076360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withoutwords/pseuds/withoutwords
Summary: “I don’t know what I’m doing,” Callum says, so quiet that he’s not sure he’s been heard. But when he turns back, Ben’s looking at him. “Is this about your hearing? Or is this about us?”
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 3
Kudos: 97





	the most important thing

**Author's Note:**

> for unfindishedroadtolove at tumblr - I hope you enjoy :)

There’s three empty bottles on the table and Callum’s nursing another, playing at the label as it starts to fray. He doesn’t even know what time it is now - he’d given up looking at the clock after it hit midnight.

When the door buzzes he almost doesn’t answer it.

“Yeah?”

“Hey, it’s me,” Ben’s voice crackles into the empty flat, and Callum doesn’t say anything as he buzzes Ben in. He doesn’t say anything as Ben shuffles in either, or takes off his coat and slumps onto the couch. He doesn’t say anything as he goes to the other side of the room to make space.

He drinks.

“Can I get one of those?” Ben asks, and it’s not until he presses his sleeve to his nose and it comes back bloody that Callum realises something is wrong.

“What happened?” he all but demands, going to sit on the coffee table across from Ben. He’d tried to stop asking that question a long time ago, but this is his life now he supposes. This is loving Ben Mitchell.

“I’m fine.”

“That doesn’t answer the question.”

Ben takes Callum’s bottle and slugs it. The lamp light is low against Ben’s face but Callum can still see the blooming bruise on his cheek, the clagging patch of blood. “Just got on the wrong side of the wrong bloke. Nothing serious.”

Callum scoffs. “Nothing new, either.”

“Give me a break, Callum.”

“Why should I? You were supposed to be here at 7. I was supposed to be making us dinner and putting on a movie and … don’t pretend you forgot.”

Ben falls back against the couch, dropping the now empty bottle. “I didn't.”

“Yeah. So what was so important, then?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing.” Callum feels his jaw clench, like tuning strings too tight. He’s not sure what the sound might be if he let it play. “That’s great. I’m glad you and me are worth nothing.”

“That’s not - ”

“Fuck you. After everything we’ve been through - ”

“I just needed space, alright?” Ben yells back, blood trickling from a nostril again. “I couldn’t be here and be happy family. I couldn’t pretend I was happy when I ...“

Callum gets to his feet so fast he almost trips, stepping away. It amazes him, all the time, how he got through life, through the Army, and never got angry like this. Never felt the need to lash out.

Maybe nothing had been so important before.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Callum says, so quiet that he’s not sure he’s been heard. But when he turns back, Ben’s looking at him. “Is this about your hearing? Or is this about us?”

“Don’t be stupid,” Ben says, getting up too, closing some of the distance between them. At least the physical kind.

“Stupid is picking fights at the pub instead of coming home to your partner.”

“I mean, of course it’s not about us. I mean - it’s not about you.”

“Then what is it? Huh? You’re getting better every day, Ben, the doctors said even they didn’t think you’d be able to hear this much.”

“It’s not enough!” Ben yells, and it echoes around the room. There are tears in his eyes and it breaks Callum’s heart.

“When will it ever be enough for you? You can hear, and you have your kid, and you have  _ me _ , and - ”

“And what do you get, huh? Some two bit criminal whose gotta ask you to speak up or repeat yourself like he’s eighty damn years old - ”

“That don’t matter to me,”

“Well it matters to _me_ , it’s my life, my … my burden.”

“You ain’t a burden,” Callum tells him from the gut, stepping forward to take Ben’s face in both hands. “You have never, ever been a burden.”

“I can’t,” he says, shaking his head, and Callum pulls him in the rest of the way to embrace him, Ben’s head falling on his shoulder. “It weren’t meant to be like this.”

Callum moves back enough that he can speak to Ben, and Ben can hear him. “It wasn’t meant to be a lot of things. Me coming to Walford, or coming out, or … or falling in love with you. None of that were in any of my plans. But it happened and my life has never, ever been better. You gotta believe me.”

“Callum…”

“I know that this ain’t some cure to what you’re going through, alright? Just ‘cause I love you don’t mean I know how to help you, or you’re suddenly fixed. But If you need help, then I’ll do everything I can to help you get it, yeah?”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Course you do. But I don’t deserve a boyfriend who breaks plans and doesn’t call, or stumbles in at 1 in the morning after a brawl at the pub.”

Ben’s face scrunches again as he falls forward for another hug, wrapping his arms around Callum’s middle. Callum holds him, pressing kisses to his head, drawing circles on his back.

When they break apart, Callum frees his hands to sign.  _ I love you. _

“So much,” he says, using a thumb to wipe Ben’s tears. “Don’t matter how it changes, or what happens to you … I love every single part of you and I always will.”

“Callum,” Ben says on a breath, tipping his head up.

“You can’t do anything to change my mind.”

“I don’t want to,” Ben tells him, just before Callum’s pressing his mouth to Ben’s, and pressing him to the wall, and kissing him until they’re just a joining of hearts and skin and limbs.

Together. 


End file.
